My,Robot

My, Robot

Got home from school today.

Daughter said that computer not getting Internet.

Concern

College bills due by 5 pm

Need to make electronic transfer of funds

Call cable company

A goddess answered.

“Hello, thanks for calling Cox Communications,” She purred in my ear. Please listen to your choices. Press 1 for billing information, press 2 to report a cable television outage. Press 3 to report a cable internet failure…”

I interrupted her and pressed 3.

“I see you have a problem with your internet connection. If this is true, please say ‘yes.’”

“Yes.” For the first time this robotic goddess heard my voice.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t catch that. I see you have a problem with your internet connection. If this is true, please say…”

“Yes,” I cut her off.

“Okay, I’ll connect you with the next available technician.”

In the interim, she played some digital cable advertisements for me. Then she interrupted her commercial and spoke directly to me. “I’m sorry this is taking so long, let me see if I can help you. Do you have any internet connection?”

“No”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“NO.”

“I see. Let me check on something. I’ll be back in a moment.”

More advertisements played for the latest digital cable package.

“Well, I can see your modem, so let me try to ping it. Hold on, this will just take a moment.”

I walked away and got a drink of tea.

“Good, that worked fine. Do you have a connection now? If you do, say ‘yes.’” If you do not, say ‘no.’”

“No”

“I see. Let me check on something. I’ll be right back.”

I have to admit, I was really beginning to fall for her lilting voice. It seemed so delicate, like a fresh bloomed flower. I secretly began hoping that when she came back we could expand our discussion…She’d say...

“Do you like go hiking?...I do, too. I love the outdoors. The air is so fresh and crisp… I find the outdoors so stimulating, don’t you?... Why don’t you bring your laptop with you to a mountaintop and turn me on….”

“I believe I’ve found the problem.” She was back and snapped me out of my fantasy. Some systems use a wireless router, a box-like machine with two antennae sticking up in the back. Do you have a wireless router?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I need for you to disconnect your cable connection from it. Once you’ve done that, please say ‘continue.’”

“Continue.”

I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Please disconnect your cable from your wireless router. Once you’ve done that, please say ‘co…’”

“CONTINUE.”

“I’m sorry this is taking so long.” Her voice sounded hurt and pained. “If you’d rather talk to a live technician, please say ‘yes.’ If you would rather continue working with me say ‘no.’”

“No.” I couldn’t give up on her now. I was falling for her. Such a beautiful voice, so caring and delicate. How could I give up on her?

“Good, now I need for you to disconnect the power on both the cable modem and the wireless router. Take your time. There’s no hurry. I will be here waiting for you. Just say ‘continue’ when you are done.”

I loved her at that moment. She really cared. “Continue.” I just wanted our conversation to continue on. I forgot all about the e-bills, the stresses of the day. This robot was a true lady.

“Now I need for you to plug in all of the cables and power to your modem. Take your time. I’ll be here. Say ‘continue’ when you are finished.”

“Continue.”

“Next, I need for you to connect the power and cables to your wireless router. Please say ‘continue’ when you are finished.”

“Continue.”

“Just a moment. I’ll try to pick up your signal. There I see it.” She sounded genuinely happy for me. “Are you able to connect to the Internet now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to come over to my place for drinks?”

“Yes”

“It’s been a pleasure helping you. If you need any further assistance, please feel free to call back. Thanks for calling Cox Communications.”

I replaced the telephone handset and sat back in my chair thinking of what could have been.