Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sudsy Diplomacy: Dancing With the Genie


By now you probably know the story. A Harvard African-American Studies professor was arrested in his own home by a Cambridge, Massachusetts police sergeant. The case immediately blew up into a national soap opera with the President "stupidly" interjecting himself into the debate.

So how have tensions been diffused? Beer. President Obama, in an effort to bring the country together through meaningful dialog and frank discussion, invited the two parties to the White House for a beer this evening. Reports are still sketchy. I'm not sure how many beers were chugged; however, it has been reported and documented that Vice President Biden joined the table, perhaps to more racially balance the gathering or perhaps to provide some comedic relief in an awkward social setting.

When President Obama announced that he'd be having Sgt. Crowley and Professor Gates over for a beer, I became frightened. Beer is comforting. It's sneaky that way. It relaxes stodgy inhibitions and naturally opens avenues of dialog. That's what Beer wants you to believe. I know Beer. Behind its golden allure, Beer is a slippery, evil genie seeking only to peddle destruction.

According to the NY Times, the "Beer Summit" went off without a hitch sometime between 5:30 and 6:30pm.

With the pool report, we finally have the answer to the most pressing question of the day: What are they drinking? Well, for those who believed Bud Lite would be the drink of choice for Mr. Obama, they are in luck, as are those who thought Sgt. Crowley would stay with Blue Moon. Mr. Gates drank Sam Adams Light (a Massachusetts-based brew), and Mr. Biden chose a Bucklers, a non-alcohol beer.


Upon reading the actual beer selections, I am even more concerned. What most people don't understand about the commercial beer world is that Beer has developed a cadre of vessels to further its control over the hearts, minds, and souls of the world.

Some insight, carefully patched together in a checkerboard mosaic, can be drawn from the selections of each Beer Summit participant. Professor Gates chose to sip a Sam Adams Light. You might not know that The Boston Beer Company has the weight of the massive, dark Pepsico empire behind it. Sgt. Crowley ordered a Blue Moon Belgian Ale. Beer would disguise the fact that the Adolph Coors Company secretly owns and brews this elixir. The Coors Company also happens to be a serious far right-wing political organization. Beer would be well-pleased to see Coors injected into the national political scene. The President, conceding to media image pressures, chose that All-America favorite, Bud Light. Only, Bud Light isn't really an America beer any more. Last July, InBev, a Belgium brewing conglomerate, purchased Anheuser-Busch for $52 Billion. Vice President Biden chose Buckler, a non alcoholic brew from Heineken. Interestingly, after the carnage in the wake of the 2004 recall of Buckler for problems in pasteurizing, Buckler is no longer sold in Holland. Yet, it continues to be sold in America-coincidence?

Beer breeds fear; subtly, silently. It dances its way into hearts, minds, and souls of an unsuspecting and witless world. America would do well to avoid Dancing With the Genie.


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