This piece was originally created back in July of 2004; in my pre-blog days. Take it for what it's worth.
Annoying Ways to Entertain Children in Public Places
In the article, the reviewer, Suzanne Perez Tobias, highlights some clever tips from the book entitled Fun on the Run by Cynthia Copeland to keep your children entertained when you are forced to be in the same contained physical space with them for an extended period, apparently with no televisions or nannies around.
Here are some of the tips: Fun on the Run! 324 Instant Family Activities (Workman Publishing, $8.95):
In the car
Encourage participation in car games by offering “prizes.” For instance, the winner gets to: choose the radio station, determine when to pull over or choose the fast-food restaurant.
My Annoyed Response: I will not listen to Briteny Spears when I'm driving, I stop when I need to pee or whenever someone begs me to stop before they wet their pants, and
Chuck E Cheese is simply out of the question.
Take turns making up stories about the people in the cars you pass. Who are they? Where are they going? Why are they going there? What have they brought with them?
My Annoyed Response: Do we really want kids making up stories about people in cars that they pass. Today's kids wouldn't always create sanitized, "Leave It to Beaver"-type stories. A typical 10 year old boy would most likely say that a lady passing you in a red Ford Focus while talking on a cell phone is being abducted by aliens who are slimy and puke green and are hiding in the backseat. She most likely is being forced to speak with the mother ship on their communication device. She's living in fear because the aliens have already tortured her with their electrocution device, and she's bleeding badly from her stab wounds. The alien likes the blood and is lapping it up greedily as it pools on the floor of the back seat. At any moment the whole world will be attacked and everyone will become food for the voracious attackers.
How well do you know the people in your family? Can you name everyone's: best friend, favorite song, favorite movie, happiest moment, ideal pet, favorite spot in the house?
My Annoyed Response: Children, again, have certain programmed responses to stupid games like this one. That typical ten year boy would answer this way. "Best Friend-Pukeman, Favorite Song-Monster Mash, Movie-Freddie (they never know the real title), happiest moment- the time I threw up in the grocery store, ideal pet-a boa constrictor, favorite spot in the house-Play Station." Now a ten year old girl would have different answers. Best Friend- Briteny Spears, Favorite Song-(Some Briteny Spears song that I've never heard), Movie-Confessions of a Teen-aged Drama Queen, Favorite spot in the house-in front of the 60 inch TV watching episode after episode of 'Seventh Heaven.'"
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At a restaurant
Assign the differently colored sugar packets various monetary values. Close your eyes and divvy them up, then let the kids add up the total to see who is the richest.
My Annoyed Response: Ah your basic capitalistic training...I'm sure that the restaurant owners don't mind donating sugar packets to the cause.
Try lip reading. Take turns mouthing a sentence to those sitting across the table. Can they figure out what you're saying?
My Annoyed Response: Good parents are always training their kids. This little exercise will really help in the future when there can be rich gossip mined. If your children master lip reading across the table, why not have them read lips of couples sitting across the restaurant?
Drop a dime into a water glass. Now try to drop a penny into the glass so that it will completely cover the dime.
My Annoyed Response: Ok, I'm at a restaurant and am sitting right next to a family where the kids are screaming and chucking coins into their water glasses. Eventually, one of the kids will tip over a glass, and it will shatter on the floor and spray me with water. I suppose that's better than being sprayed with glass and Dr. Pepper.
Dribble water on your paper place mat and blow on it through your straw to create a masterpiece.
My Annoyed Response: Kids don't know how to "dribble water." That is a skill that is better practiced at home. Oh yeah, water soaked place mats are by no stretch of the imagination 'masterpieces.' Plus, I sure hope that if you use this method of entertaining that you tip the waiter and bus person very well for having to clean up all that soggy crap.
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At the doctor's office
Have your child hold a penny above his head and try to drop it into one of his shoes.
My Annoyed Response: I'm at the doctor's office because I have something wrong with me. I'm feeling like I've been run over by a truck. Sitting next to me in a stuffy, germ infested, crowded waiting room is some kid with one of his smelly shoes off (luckily
my cold doesn't allow me the pleasure of smelling the tired shoe) who is screaming and haphazardly throwing coins. I'm sure enjoying my wait.
Grab one of the disposable gloves doctors use for exams. Blow it up like a balloon, secure the ends and: draw faces on them, play keep away, or try to keep one in the air by tapping it with a pencil as you walk.
My Annoyed Response: Taking one of the doctor's gloves is stealing. Do we really want to raise children to simply take what they want without asking? Do we really want children to think that it is ok to scarf medical supplies. Imagine what an enterprising ten year old boy could do with the used bloody needles in the bio hazard waste container.
Have your child lie down on the examination table and outline him or her on the disposable paper with a pen or marker. Then let her fill in the details: face, hair, clothes, shoes. When you're done, just pull and tear off the used paper.
My Annoyed Response: I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something really wrong about this. What would happen if the Sharpie permanent marker bleeds through to the vinyl surface of the examination table? The next patient to use the table might think that the previous patient died there under suspicious circumstances.
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In the grocery store
When you first get to the store, grab a six- or eight-pack of paper towels and a comic book. Your child can sit in the cart on top of the paper towels (rather than the metal grating) and leaf through the comic book.
My Annoyed Response: I suppose that when you are through shopping, the slobbered on comic book goes back on the shelf in the canned soup section and the pooped on paper towels get left in the middle of aisle 9 along with the soiled diaper from your six month old who was riding and screaming in the front of the cart.
Engage your cart-bound child in a visual scavenger hunt using magazine covers: Can you find a blue letter "M"? A man riding a horse? A poodle?
My Annoyed Response: With this kind of entertainment, how does a
happy shopper get any shopping done?
Keep older kids entertained (and put them to good use) by giving them a shopping basket and your coupons and asking them to find the coupon items.
My Annoyed Response: Actually, I'm not annoyed by this idea. You might have some issues with redirection or clarification, but it's a solid idea. A better idea for older kids would be to have them get out of your sight while you shop by sending them to the magazine section or have them walk with you and help you pick out the items you want to buy.
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I can't explain why Ms. Tobias' review of Ms. Copeland's book annoyed me so; it just did. Maybe it's because some aliens have injected my brain with some oozing green chemical that is slowly changing my blood to cat piss.
Read the Tobias review of Copeland’s book.
http://www.azcentral.com/families/articles/0722waiting22-CR.html
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