Thursday, September 13, 2007

Hygiene Problems

"We are experiencing hygiene as we know it."
~Anonymous


Skunk

Skunk Chaser

I think it must have been Monday evening when it happened. Time has been a blur this week, but my memory suggests to me that Monday was the night.

My wife and I were just sitting and chatting in the den just off our bedroom upstairs in our home. The cool weather had yet to arrive, so we were still suffering the ill winds of the devil. With the windows sealed and the A/C on, we were taking a moment to relax and catch up on our meetings and lives.

Suddenly, my wife let out, "Ohh, do you smell that? Someone must have just gotten sprayed?

"What?" Sitting just five feet from her, I smelled nothing.

"Smell the skunk? I bet the dog just got sprayed."

"I don't sme...ohhh I smell it now. That's really horrible."

I've smelled skunks before, but this was the most powerful blast I've ever experienced. It permeated the house instantly, coming through windows that are sealed so well that they allow no drafts in winter. Yet the skunk smell came through like butter melting on toast.

After a few minutes, I went outside and checked on the dog. Skunk smells were thick in the night air and when her glowing eyeballs came happily charging at me through the dark, I braced myself for an intense blast of odor. I also instinctively backed away so she wouldn't be able to rub against me. Yet when she came close, I detected no increase in the smell. But I wasn't really convinced that I'd actually be able to detect any malodorous intrusions on the dog since the air was skunk.

When it came time to put the dog to bed an hour or so later, I found her already in our basement laying on the cold concrete floor with a very sad dog face. She'd been heavily drooling on the floor, which is unusual for her. More importantly, the blast of skunk odor was so intense from the room that I just had to turn and walk away. There was nothing to do for her that night.

All night, the odor seemed to intensify inside the house as our efficient air handling system spread the offense like a mutating virus. As I sat in the family room portion of the basement watching Monday Night Football, I could feel the odor molecules attaching themselves to my body.

That evening, as I attempted to sleep, I could do nothing but toss and turn. Skunk had invaded the small hairs inside my nostrils. Every breath I took drew in more skunk which then seemed to set up a cloning facility inside my body. Abhorrent smells oozed from all parts of me like sweat dripping off me on a humid day. It then radiated from me and onto my pillow and sheets. Everywhere, it was. Nowhere was sleep.

Exhausted, I went through Tuesday with the gnawing sensation that everyone could smell skunk on me. So when I got home, I immediately broke out the dog shampoo and attacked the dog with gusto, releasing my frustrations. Over and over I washed her and rinsed her. By the time I was done, she still smelled like a skunk.

Worse than the dog, was the house. It reeked. I threw open all of the windows and doors, plus turned on all of the ceiling fans and bathroom ventilation fans. I ran the fan from the house ventilation system, but with little noticeable effect. The house was virtually unlivable.

At my "Back to School Night" PTA meeting Tuesday night, one of my colleagues told me of a recipe that she used to rid skunk smells from her hounds. They got in to them all the time at her country home. Part Dawn dish washing liquid, Baking soda, and hydrogen peroxide mixed in proportions she didn't know. She said I could easily find the exact recipe online. So on my way home I bought those items and also some powerful canned air fresheners and plug-in fresheners. You should have seen me going around the house spraying that air stuff! I hit every room in the house downstairs and in the basement. All around where the dog would lay and in her special recliner, Grandfather's old "Archie Bunker" chair, I sprayed and sprayed.

While I was at the meeting, my wife had concocted her own recipe. She mixed vinegar with dish washing liquid and washed down the basement floor and the grandfather chair. All of the efforts made the house tolerable that night, but by no means did anything we did neutralize the skunk.

As I write this, Ode to Skunk is still greeting all visitors to my house. Tomorrow, I'm mixing my concoction and nailing the dog again. Then I'm taking that recipe to the basement floor by mopping it over and over. Perhaps then, the skunk will go away.


4 comments:

Unknown said...

I thought it was tomato juice but I see it is a myth but I found your mixture ... CAUTION don't let it explode!! Don't bleach him!

So how do you get rid of skunk odor? Some experts suggest a mixture of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide—followed by a tap water rinse. This solution is odorless, but be careful—it might bleach your pet’s fur. Here’s one recipe that Dr. Wood of Humboldt State University recommends:

Make a mixture of “1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide (drug store variety), 1/4 cup of baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and a teaspoon of liquid detergent. After 5 minutes rinse the animal with water. The mixture cannot be stored as it readily becomes ineffective. Also, IT MUST NOT BE STORED IN A CLOSED CONTAINER. It releases gas so the container may break and pose an explosion hazard. It is best to mix it in an open container and use it immediately. One final caution, the recipe may bleach the pet’s hair.”

Roanoke RnR said...

Two nights ago we had our windows open too and I was awoken by that wonderful smell. It was intense but it only lasted three hours then suddenly disappeared. I've noticed quite a few skunks along the roads lately. Wonder what's going on...

Newt said...

Yeah...and the Woolly Worms are blond this year. What's that all about?

Unknown said...

Newt,

Please say how it went with your dog. Ask your dog if blondes have more fun.

I smell them all the time now. It is not mating season is it? I know it happens during mating season but I thought that was in the Spring.