Carruthers, what on earth is happening to our program?

Backstory:The University of Virginia football program is in a free-fall state after the team was whipped by a low-land team from East Carolina last night. Yet in Hoo-ville, there is hope and optimism.

Carruthers, what on earth is happening to our program?

What on heaven's Earth do you mean Carruthers?

Baxter, You know as well as anyone that our program is performing astonishingly well. Our spread this year has included the best vin and the absolute finest cheeses, along with other delicate and tasty appetizers that would ordinarily be dining fit for King Louie in any other less glorioius setting. I was especially enammored by the chicken liver, mushroom and apple pâté as well as Les olives marinées that we served up for our most recent presentation. I also was partial to The Fourme d'Ambert crepes. They are the most rewarding entry on our cheeseboard, in my opinion.

We've been especially careful to mate our cheeses with complimentary wines. Nothing can ruin an excellent spread like mismatched cheeses and wines as you especially well know. So we use the following regimen:

Goat's Cheeses — Sauvignon Blanc
Mild Cheeses — Gamay, Chenin
Medium Cheeses — Pinot Noir, Merlot
Strong Cheeses — Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah (Shiraz), Grenache

Speaking of wines, Baxter old boy, I've just discovered a fantastic new appellation to display in our vino array. It's the grand vin named for the grower's estate, Chateau de Beaucastel. It's excellent mated with our goat cheese and bakery fresh bread .

So, Baxter, I'm confident that our program is on solid ground and developing nicely, exactly according to plan.

I am concerned about Hobson, however. He seems to be struggling a bit this season. We've picked up some of his traffic and frankly its putting a bit of a strain on our ability to develop our program; however, I know we are up to the task. Buck up old friend.

Carruthers